Feb 5, 2014

Bite Me

Yesterday when I picked up C from daycare, a little note went with her:


Let's talk about some of the many things I love about this note:

1) There's a poem.

Who wrote the poem, and what inspired them to do it?  Did they sit down and think, "Walt Whitman toed the line between realism and transcendalitism...should I follow in his footsteps?  Nope, too easy. I'll write about biting toddlers.  It'll be a shoe-in for the Pulitzer!"

2) There's a poem. . . on a form.

It happens that often.  Thank you for your help and support.

3) A "friend" bit Charlotte.

First, I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say that friends don't bite each other.  Secondly and more importantly: apparently, it's a "thing" in daycares to not rat out the biter, so we call the biter a "friend."  But let's not get it twisted.  Mommy knows exactly which tow-headed Cullen wannabe left his mark on her baby.  I'm willing to let it go, unless it happens again.  Which leads me to my next point...

4) Charlotte's teacher called her submissive.

What is this, 50 Shades of Grape Juice? (Just kidding.  OF COURSE I don't give my child juice.  What am I, a monster?)  Apparently some kids fight back when bitten.  Well,  mine just cries and wants to be held.  Which goes to point #5.

5) The teacher suggested that Charlotte purposefully let herself get bitten so she could cry for attention and get picked up.

My child is thirteen months old.   THIRTEEN MONTHS OLD.  But according to her teacher, she's smart enough to correlate getting bitten with being held ,so she holds out her hand hoping for a bite.  Hot dog.  My child is a genius!   Now I know who will be taking care of me in my old age.

6) My baby is learning fast, because she nipped Mommy right on the chin tonight.

Mommy was not amused, and she scolded Charlotte.  Which made Charlotte cry, and made Mommy hold Charlotte and apologize for yelling, and damn it! My child really IS a genius.

I'm screwed.

Was your kid a biter?