It's three days before my due date, and how do I feel?
Anxious. Irritable. Excited. Frustrated.
I think I've now come to the realization that this baby will not be here by my due date, which is December 7, 2012. I've always thought, somewhat naively, she would come pretty close to her due date. My Mom's birthday is November 7 and mine is January 7, so I thought her due date was meant to be.
Well, I think I was wrong. At my appointment this past Friday, I hadn't really made any progress. I'm trying everything I can think of to help things along: walking (and even some running), eating pineapple, spicy foods, extra J time, sitting on the exercise ball (sorry, I cannot call it a birthing ball), and none of it is helping yet. I freaking moved a couch last week and nope, nothing. She's simply not ready to come out.
When J and I were trying so hard to get pregnant, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what God was trying to teach me and whether or not the entire ordeal had a purpose. This may sound very strange to some of you, but I know that I was meant to go through the whole ordeal. That's simply my two cents and it isn't intended to start some deep philosophical or religious argument.
One of things J and I both had to learn was patience. Neither of us have a lot of it, to be frank. Now, as we are nearing the eventual end, I can see old habits returning. For me, it's the constant googling of "impending labor signs." For J, it's him telling the entire world that this baby will come this week because he's so sure it will happen according to the calendar. He can't imagine that any child of ours would be late. Ha ha.
Where have I seen this behavior before?
During every two week wait except the very last one. I just about gave myself carpal tunnel googling "implantation spotting" (which I never had, by the way), "chances of pregnancy after (fill-in-the-blank) months of trying," and many other infertility diagnosis. J was always confident that the month at issue was going to be "our month," but again, with one exception, it never was.
The other issue is control. I didn't have control over my body during our TTC time, and I don't have it now. I cannot make her come out when she isn't ready unless I were to be induced, and I don't want that. An induction date may be on the table, however, if I still haven't made any progress by Thursday. As I've said before, my doctor doesn't want me to go past 41 weeks. I'm trying really hard to let go of any hard deadline, but it is quite difficult. I must trust that she will come out when she's good and ready.
So, other than having an existential crisis, what else is going on?
Baby Peanut weighs somewhere around seven to seven and a quarter pounds, at least according to my doctor. She's still very active, but her punches and kicks have yielded to more gentle rolls. Essentially, she's running out of room. I also suspect she somehow "undropped" because she no longer feels as low as she did last week.
Braxton-Hicks contractions have picked up substantially over the past week. And yes, I had a lot of them during the SEC Championship. I'm getting a lot of the "lightening pain" which is a result of her head hitting my cervix. I know that conflicts with feeling like she "undropped" but that's how it is. My back pain is increasing to the point where it keeps me up at night. I'm feeling crampy and tired, too, but don't most people by this stage? I'm also constantly in the bathroom. Glad that I decided to work from home this week. :-)
OK, signing off for now. Hope I have a more exciting update next time!